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The Weed Pipe That’s Also a Dildo

This article was originally published on Broadly.

Sometimes a thing does not need to be another thing. Perhaps the Platonic form of this sentiment is the Original Peter Piper Pecker Puffer glass pipe dildo, a tool that brings to form two types of transcendence but nevertheless begs the question: Why?

The hybrid weed pipe and sex toy is exactly what it suggests. In the quintessentially American tradition of the “two-in-one” (sometimes regionally known as a “twofer”), the Peter Piper is simply a dildo attached to a bowl. It is forged by the understanding that pleasure should be both maximum and efficient, as well as the fact that cannabis tends to tempt the erotic. Research suggests that “the results of taking cannabis are considerably influenced by the individual’s expectations or by the social or cultural setting,” and the smokable dildo certainly does set the tone.

The dildo pipe promises to deliver on the promise that sex raises but can hardly ever fulfill , but the device’s packaging doesn’t appear to be going for sultry. Peter Piper’s branding leads at once with its straightforward utility and its strong suit: puns. In fact, Peter Piper almost appears to have spontaneously reverse-engineered itself from the rhyme, “Smoke it then poke it!” More exclamations follow. “Yes,” the package smugly adds in an all-caps serif font, “we did!”

They did, indeed. “They” are an online sex toy company called Pipedreams. On the company’s blog, Pipedreams describes their brand as “bold, edgy, and aggressive.” Now a purveyor of sex toys, the company initially started out as a pipe and paraphernalia wholesaler, but were shut down by the FBI. Needing to diversify their business, Pipedreams got into gag gifts and soon started developing and manufacturing their own sex toys. As such, the Original Peter Piper Pecker Puffer is a glimmering beacon of the company’s past, present, and future. Tragically, however, it has been discontinued without explanation and is no longer available on Pipedreams’s site, though it’s still available on Amazon (four-and-a-half stars) and other online sex toy shops with web 1.0 aesthetics.

The company also owns Jimmyjane, an upscale sex toy brand that has been called “the Apple of sex toys.” Jimmyjane sells a 24-karat gold vibrator of which Kate Moss is supposedly a fan, but it’s hard to image the Peter Piper in the same league. At first glance, a glass dildo that can be smoked like a pipe seems ridiculous. At second glance, it seems seriously unsafe. “I feel a little concerned putting anything made of glass deep into an orifice,” wrote “Ira Glass” in a preemptive review of the product. This is an intuitive worry, not to mention that the glass will also be frequently heated.

Upon purchasing my “Original” Peter Piper Pecker Puffer glass dildo for $49.95 plus shipping from a Canadian website whose domain ended in .net, my colleagues and loved ones expressed grave concern for my vagina. “Be careful,” was a frequent response. But—a little disappointingly—the smoke does not fill the entire eight-inch phallic extension like a chamber. So, as a dick, the Peter Piper is more legitimate than expected. This runs contrary to the prominent copy that reads, “Suck both ends!” on the back of the package that makes the Peter Piper appear to be a Spencer Gifts bargain bin find.

The dildo is made of solid, sturdy glass, and it stays cool to the touch while smoking. Glass is a common material for sex toys, it turns out—especially in the realm of butt plugs and dildos. Hardened glass is durable and non-porous. In contrast to the low expectations it set up for itself, the Peter Pecker’s quality is stunning, especially to a really stoned person. The dildo is weighty and substantial, but the bowl is impossibly light.

Which brings me to my next point: Another aspect of the Peter Piper is that it got me really stoned. As it must fit snugly against a large dildo, the glass pipe is fairly large, deep, and not at all unpleasant to smoke out of. Certainly, one does not look “cool” while doing it, but it works—and, obviously, the more I used it, the more I liked it. As we spent the night together, Peter Piper won me over, living up to its own hype. (“It’s the magical glass you’ll never want to pass!”) I slowly came to realize that when we ask “Why?” the dildo pipe answers, “Why not?”

Our highly subjective review of a hybrid weed pipe and sex toy, the Peter Piper Pecker Puffer.

Weed dildo

Lead image by Heather Benjamin

Welcome back to Stoned Sex, the column where I’ll be exploring the intersection of sex and sativas, intercourse and indicas, often through first-hand experience and interviews with experts.

For this week’s edition, we’ll be discussing fantasy sex toys, meaning dildos that look like dragon dicks, steampunk machinery, and even unicorn horns. Stoned Sex will be running every other week, so make sure to stay tuned for the next dose.

Whenever presented with a row of dildos, I always pick the least human-looking one. Why? Well, why have sex with something that reminds me of a penis when I could have sex with magical creatures and monsters? I’ll take the vibrating purple goddess, thank you! And that’s keeping it simple. There are dragon dick dildos, steampunk machinery dildos, and rainbow unicorn horn dildos, to name a few.

Additionally, whenever I’m about to have sex with a fantasy dildo, I enjoy cannabis to heighten the experience and pleasure. Why are dragon dicks and other fantasy toys such a turn on, and how does cannabis make using them even more fun? This week in Stoned Sex, we’ll examine how cannabis enhances fantasy cocks.

Why do people use fantasy dildos?

“Not everybody wants an exact replica of a penis sitting on their bedside table,” explains Carolyn, founder and manager of Betty’s Toy Box. “In fact, they can make some folks feel uncomfortable.” Unfortunately, like most things, dildos can be problematic and racist. Many manufacturers only make one skin tone and it’s always white. When sex toy companies do create products in browns and black, they often play to racist stereotypes.

“I always had a problem with dildos that are realistic because there’s so much opportunity to be super racist with them. Black ones are always big and long. It makes me so uncomfortable,” says sex and dating writer Gabrielle Noel. “I wish it was more normal to use fantasy dildos than these weird skin-colored ones. They’re more fun.”

As many dildos are made in the US, where circumcision remains the most common surgery for over a century, intact penises are also underrepresented, says Zoë Ligon, journalist, artist, and owner of the sex-positive toy store Spectrum Boutique.

Fantasy dildos are also attractive to those looking for a penetrative experience outside of gender norms. “There’s so much pressure to subscribe to a gender role even in queer relationships,” Noel says. “Anything that removes you from that is beneficial. [Fantasy dildos] don’t resemble genitalia; they’re completely out of this world and fantasy. They help remind you that you don’t have to perform what you’ve seen in pornography.” And, of course, people like fantasy dildos because they allow for kinky, creative role-playing — plus, they often have unique textures.

Cannabis helps bring the fantasy to life

So you watch animated monster porn. The idea of a giant, tentacled, horny beast picking you up and having its way with you turns you on. You find yourself wondering what it feels like to be penetrated by a tentacle. You discover a fantasy sex toy shop such as Bad Dragon and buy a blue tentacle dildo with a few clicks. Your fantasy can now come to life by yourself or with a partner. Others may want a joyful ride on a pastel unicorn horn, a best-seller according to Ligon of Spectrum Boutique. The discovery of fantasy dildos opens up your sex life as far as the imagination can span.

“You can fuck whoever you always wanted to fuck. Whether it’s the Hulk, or Wolverine, or a dragon. The sky’s the limit,” says sex and relationship coach and CannaSexual creator, Ashley Manta.

There may be one thing holding you back from having the monster sex of your wet dreams — you’re embarrassed. What if your partner thinks that having sex with a Drago Dragon Sword Handle is weird because they don’t even watch Game of Thrones? Weed is here to save the day. Stress is one of the most common conditions that medical marijuana can treat, as research shows that small doses of THC reduce stress. Cannabis also lowers inhibitions. Such properties make it easier to open up, both internally and to a partner, about your monster dildo fantasy.

“[Cannabis] helps quiet thoughts of it being shameful or silly, all of these things that we tell ourselves about our fantasy is somehow wrong, or weird,” Manta says. Cannabis encourages open-mindedness and self-acceptance to help us embrace our desires. “Like, you know what? I want to fuck a dragon. And there is nothing wrong with that,” Manta says. The plant’s creative and imaginative properties take us from feeling shameful to becoming fully engrossed in our scene.

No, we’re not doing anything wrong; we are consensually being penetrated with a dragon’s dick because enemies captured us during the battle, but there are escape plans in place, okay?

The Realm Draken Silicone Dildo from Betty’s Toy Box

Cannabis enhances sensations

While role-playing remains a major factor in obtaining a fantasy dildo, another plus of the life-changing invention is that unlike traditional dildos, fantasy toys often have varied texture. I want to use the studded “Riveter” with my girlfriend, but not because I harbor any steampunk fantasies. I like it because it’s goth-friendly and looks like it would feel good.

“The frequent thing I see is that people who really love texture, and people who want really large — whether it’s long or girthy — sex toys” want fantasy dildos, Ligon notes.

Cannabis heightens sensation. This means that watching a blue geode dildo going inside your partner will be even more visually pleasing. And as cannabis can affect sensory perception, it may even cause sparkly visuals to accompany your partner’s gemstone moans. Touch is not left out, either. Using cannabis before sex with a fantasy dildo enhances the studs, suction cups, or ridges on your screw, tentacle, or monster cock. Any consumption method offers all genders sensation enhancement and pain reduction, but people with vulvas may want to add a topical to their dragon slaying game to reduce inflammation and increases blood flow in a non-psychoactive manner. “If they use a THC topical like Foria, you can appreciate all of the different textures in whatever you’re being penetrated with, from a hand to a dildo with suction cups,” Manta says.

In addition to having interesting textures, fulfilling fantasies, and offering alternatives to traditional dildos, fantasy cocks are hot because they are taboo.

“At the end of the day, there is a primal nature to sex. When it resembles something non-human and more animal then it can be more of a turn on,” Noel says.

Cannabis, used for centuries as an aphrodisiac, not only makes us hornier, but more likely to act on those impulses from a creative and accepting manner. Ultimately, this allows us to be our authentic selves — whether that self is fantastical or otherwise.

Why are dragon dicks, tentacle vibrators, and other fantasy toys such a turn on, and how does cannabis make using them even more fun? ]]>